Number One

Welcome to my very first blog ever. Not THE first blog ever, just my first blog ever.

I tend to get started on everything computer-related a little late. But hey, at least I start, right? I got my first taste of Windows (3.1) around 1995, the Internet around 1997, and designing websites in 1998. I entered the world of serious website design--the phase where I began to get high profile clients and not just churches and mom-n-pop places, the phase where I was reaching my target niche of college athletic departments--around 2003.

I found the career that I thought was going to be my calling for the rest of my life--college athletics sports information & media relations--when I was 29. Sheesh, I was married for eight years before becoming a father. Maybe I get into everything a little late. (Ok, don't read too much into that last one.)

I can still remember the conversation I had with the Maestro back in '98. He told me about the website that he had started weeks earlier, and that I should make a website.
ME: "Why would I want to build a website? I don't have anything to say."

And now I'm blogging. I guess I found something to say.

That would've been a great place to stop, but if this is going to be a substantial blog, then there should be a real topic for each post. This one is going to talk about my latest preoccupation: ridding my yard of squirrels.

We bought our place at the end of February, and really love it. Nice fenced backyard, man-made lake out back, sort of on the cusp of "in the woods" but with a four-lane busy highway 300 yards away. When we first got here, those little squirrels looked sooo cute running along the fences, hanging out on our deck, jumping from tree to tree.

And then we started landscaping. And they started tearing up the landscaping. It was like Japan bombing Pearl Harbor. War had been declared.

Now the previous tenants--your run-of-the-mill, tree-hugging, recycling, "our-dogs-are-our-kids" sort of people--probably learned to be "at one" with the squirrels. I'm more of an Andrew Jackson or Teddy Roosevelt type. If something's in your way, you move it or go over it. You don't learn to live with little annoyances in life with a "Serenity Now" chant; you change the things that can be changed.

I don't know if squirrels in my backyard is something that can be changed, but I'm giving it the old college try. And I'm beginning to ramp it up quickly:

1. Run out the door and go "shoo squirrel, shoo." Now, that's only effective if I'm about 10 feet from the critters, and then I could be completely mute and they'd run.
2. Throw a collection of larger pieces of gravel collected down by the water at them. Pretty effective in scaring them away IF you happen to hit within about six inches of them. I've managed that all of twice.
3. Rat traps. NOW we're getting somewhere. One kill and several near misses, and the near misses scare the living acorns outta these animals. That's pretty satisfying to see one leave the yard in what could best be described as the fast-motion sequence at the end of Benny Hill episodes. But only one kill out of, what, 100 squirrels?
4. Air rifle. Just bought it Saturday and have only fired two pellets. Squirrels now run when I open the door, so I can't get a good shot unless I'm already out there. Plus, unless I suddenly morph into Chuck Connors, I'm going to miss more than I hit.
5. Ancient Chinese secret. My online search for ways to rid yards of squirrels yielded remedies such as fox pee (can't wait to explain that one on the credit card statement), suggestions on how to hang a bird feeder to keep squirrels out (but I can't put MY WHOLE YARD on a slippery pole), the aformentioned pellet gun, and the ever-so-humane catch-and-release traps. Yeah, if I got one of those suckers to walk into my trap, I would probably terrorize it with power tools in the garage until it perished of heart failure. But I didn't use any of those (except the rifle).

What I did use from the Internet is a twist on a recipe I saw on a Canada Reader's Digest site. My version calls for a whole onion, a clove of garlic, about an ounce of cayenne pepper, a tablespoon of dishwashing liquid, and as much water as I could top off the blender with. I didn't have any Tabasco sauce, but I can't imagine Tabasco making this product much more vile. I took the top off the blender and the aroma almost took my top off. Potent is not a strong enough adjective to use for this concoction. And trust the author: no matter how much you liquefy, this junk will not spray out of any type of container. Its texture is pretty much like you eating spaghettios and then vomiting into a spray bottle.

I was conflicted on using it to start with. On one hand, I would like nothing better than to "cap" one of these rodents, yet at the same time I'm attempting to keep them away. I'll report back on how effective this toxic vomit is. Or let you know if I'm any good behind a trigger.