That Old Ex-Girlfriend and the Rest of Your Rosy Past

Remember that old ex-girlfriend from eons past and how special she was and how you two got along so well and how she was your soulmate? Ah, she was perfect, you were perfect, and you remember so many perfect evenings together. How beautiful life was. You remember so well ...

Do you? Was it?

Unless you had to break it off because she was on the verge of discovering your secret identity as the Masked Superhero of your municipality, it didn't end all that well. In fact, it wasn't always good when you were together. And there were at least a handful of "qualities" that she possessed that you downright despised. And even if the break-up came as a surprise to you and you were still lovestruck so that you couldn't detect faults in her, I got one for ya buddy: she wasn't so into you. You did something, or you were something, that she couldn't handle.

Why do we "remember" the "good old days" as such? Sometimes it's a nice escape from the problems of today. Sometimes instead of watching soap operas, we create them in our mind of how the past might have played out. And it's not like we want OUT of our current, long-running, stable, healthy relationships--it's just more adventurous to imagine ourselves as James Dean on a bike with Marilyn Monroe in tow ... well, with both alive and all.

I had a moment like this Sunday, but no girl was involved. It was a career of mine twice removed that made me long for life back a decade. Before I was a business owner, I was a college sports information director, and before that a high school math teacher. Sunday night was the baccalaureate service at our church, and the last batch of students I taught are graduating this Friday. Hearing some of their words of praise for current and past teachers triggered a nostalgic response in me.

Yes, I longed for the old days of being a mostly unappreciated high school math teacher. You know, the old career was the old girlfriend. Starry-eyed, I imagined going back into the profession to impart my knowledge, to touch lives. "I'd be a much better teacher now, now that I'm a parent, now that I've seen the outside. Just give me one more chance," I begged of the old gal that I had dumped almost five years ago.

Now, why did I dump her again? Was it the low pay or the long hours, or both? Was it the unmotivated student, or his overexpecting parents, or both? Was it the student that wouldn't learn, couldn't learn, or didn't learn that soured it? Was it all the forms and phone calls--administration--or was it the laissez-faire attitude of 1/3 to 1/2 of the class that made me feel like I was wasting my time? Was it kids like Phillip and Patrick and Joni and Nathan and Sara? Were there not enough kids like Trey and Tessa and Cooper and Katie and Daniel and Josh?

I found a nice blog, Rate Your Students, that helped spell it out for me. All the people in the profession who are venting just to maintain their sanity made me realize that my rosy past had thorns as well as blooms. I got more complaints over grades, classroom tactics, and failure to spoon-feed than thank-you notes and pats on the back.

If I may corrupt a Yogi Berra quote (as if a corrupted Yogi Berra quote isn't redundant enough): "The past ain't what it used to be." It's not the way you remember it. Nine out of 10 of you are better off now than you were five years ago. Don't long for the past--it won't catch up with you if you slow down and wait for it. Are you in a new career, a new relationship, a new ANYTHING? Remember why you left the old, and let that be that. The children of Israel, after being released from the slave captivity of Egypt in Exodus, often recalled how "good" things were in their days of captivity. Narrow-minded, willful myopia and a selective memory will make you forget the good choices you made and why you made them, which in turn will make you bitter and discontent in the present.

My good friend Jo Dee Messina said it best in "Bye Bye":
Bye bye love, I'll catch you later
Gotta put my foot down on my accelerator
With the rear view mirror torn off
I ain't never looking back
And that's a fact

We could all stand to tear off some rear view mirrors.